How do I handle feedback?

How do I handle feedback?

by | Aug 24, 2020 | Blog | 0 comments

As actors, artists, leaders in entertainment we are consistently faced with feedback, rejection, let downs etc… I TRUST the following perspective may support you as it has for me in all my adventures. 
Feedback is presented in many forms.

Sundance Film Festival

TANGIBLE FEEDBACK: We can look around us and witness first hand the elaborate design that is our current life experience as a RESULT. This RESULT is feedback. The environment in which you live, the money, or lack of money in your bank account is feedback. The relationships (both personal and business), friendships, jobs, etc… are all tangible feedback for you. When we take inventory of the “physical” forms of feedback and then take the HUGE courageous step forward of BEING 100% responsible, then we can begin to acknowledge how we ourselves can transform that from which we are not happy and into a better and more supportive result. Asking the questions “Does this work for me?” or “Is this NOT working for me?”. It may be difficult at first because it’s much easier to blame (in short term)  outside forces rather than to admit responsibility.  In this realm of RESPONSIBILITY, there is NO ROOM for blame, shame, guilt etc… Neither toward others nor toward ourselves. It’s just a moment in which we step powerfully into admittance, acknowledgment, and a into a committed “way of being”  then be open to the mechanism in which a committed action is required as it appears from various unpredictable sources. Is it easy?  No, not always, but in the long run, you’ll have more control when you put the power into your hands, and that means… well… saying “I chose this…” and now “I choose this”. 

VERBAL FEEDBACK: This is often found on sets, in the audition room, from friends and relationships, coaches, directors, etc.. This realm of feedback requires TRUST. A trust in those from whom you receive feedback and trust within yourself, the latter certainly is a huge step into evolution and freedom. To take the feedback and use what serves you and to discard that which does not. (Hint: if you get the feedback from multiple sources, you may want to take note.) There’s also our personal verbal feedback, you know,  those defaming self-criticisms. Is the feedback we “tell ourselves” elevating and constructive, or denigrating, even at times, abusive?  Giving this feedback loving attention will ultimately result in others treating you with respect… because… you treat yourself with respect. If you find yourself more often being hyper-critical of yourself or others, or you find yourself seeking “perfection” in yourself and others then you may want to go way back and look at your earlier life and denounce the birth of those voices, which more than likely came from a parent, teacher, mentor, etc. These figures may have “meant well” but the effects of this self-talk and self-sabotage are preventing breakthroughs for you.  Even in the container of class whereby a student agrees to receive feedback from me. I usually present “hard-to-hear” feedback with  “can I coach you?” or “may I offer you my experience?” this is to share this responsibility with you and place the opportunity for growth within your power and your responsibility. 


We ourselves are responsible for how we receive and feel about feedback. 

On Set with AJ CARTER

Shooting the teaser trailer for “6MIles”

GIVING FEEDBACK: First of all this gets to be in a container of love, trust, compassion, and understanding. When I offer feedback it is with the specific intention of these factors and to empower the receiver. It’s is also a great opportunity for me to listen and see myself in the dialogue. The intention is to support the other with growth for them and often the growth of your relationship. If you wish to communicate feedback toward another you can present it to the receiver as “Do you mind if I offer you feedback” “Do you mind if I express my experience of you” etc… This allows them to not feel put on the spot, feel judged, or attacked. Also, keep in mind that this is only your experience of that person.  It also gives them an opportunity to accept and be in responsibility. In other words, if you set forth an intention of integrity, sincere desire for the other to grow, and open the space for feedback, a great deal of growth can emerge for you, the other, and that relationship. 

RECEIVING VERBAL FEEDBACK. There will be plenty of times where people will offer you unsolicited feedback, feedback that has ill intent, or perhaps not delivered respectfully. Even those are opportunities for you to grow. This is where the “Battle of NEEDING TO BE RIGHT” can rage on for a very long time and that serves NOONE ( as we see playing out in our current social unrest). The idea is to simply say “thank you for your feedback” and then move on. Receiving feedback from a friend, a business relationship, teacher, mentor, etc… is AMAZING. You get to set the standards in which others treat you. I personally would much rather surround myself with people who elevate me, and with whom, I trust can ALWAYS come to me with their perspective, their experience of me, and they feel comfortable doing so. I’m not saying that sometimes the feedback doesn’t hurt, that it may throw me off or surprise me. HOWEVER, I know that I am responsible for how I feel around it and how I receive it, and how I react.  I also know that if I am “triggered” by the feedback their may be some great truths to uncover, I thank the person who has lovingly and courageously expressed themselves. I take my time unpacking it, and I understand perhaps the opportunity in which I may grow. The key is really to understand that I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW I RECEIVE AND MY FEELINGS AROUND FEEDBACK. Sometimes people may have ill intent, they may have a skewed perspective and perhaps they are “projecting” on to you. If their feedback does not serve you, and this remains a continuous and contentious relationship that is no longer serving you… that’s right… YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE and you get to lovingly remove that person from your life, with forgiveness.

Brionne sits dow with his buddy Anthony Gilardi

On mentorship, their relationship, and empowering others through vision. Click the image for full interview.

Ok, so that’s a bit about feedback. I could write pages longer on the subject and as it pertains to communication, leadership, freedom, growth, and joy. 
Click on the image to the left to watch my interview with my buddy and incredible coach Anthony Gilardi.


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